As I awake from my 2-week siesta, I am informed of everything that has been and will be going on with the world. The Great War, Plague, Famine, and Death of 2020 to name a few. All I have to say about that is a sarcastic, “Swell,” and a slow side eye head nod. I am not exactly sure what to do at this point. I have spent the last two weeks confined to my bed, only to leave it to sustain my human needs. I have been awake for less than a day now, and already my room has been cleaned and re-decorated. What now?
As a whole, I have been pretty content with this whole situation. I hate the human race, so not being able to interact with them has been a blessing in disguise. Of course, I miss my people, and texting and calling are nowhere close to being the same as seeing them in the flesh, but I know they will all still be there when this is over or when this goes Walking Dead style and I pick them up to join my crusade to fight the zombies. I feel like this is a sort of test for me. I have been social distancing for my whole life, so this is honestly like if I was given a test on the basics of wearing all black or how to be a sarcastic b*tch all the time. I have never wanted to talk to people, so this government mandate that they can’t talk to me either is muy bien.
My only source of human contact has been through my job. I thought it would be good for me to get out of the house and interact with some people for a change. I was wrong. Have you ever worked a Dunkin Donut drive-thru alone for 4 hours straight during a pandemic? These people have the audacity to flaunt their plastic gloves at me and get upset when I don’t return the favor, then pay in germ-filled cash to buy their exposed child a donut. We have been extremely busy despite the “stay the hell home” order. All I have to say is the nasty people who are so ignorant of the world around them and thus still bother me at work are gonna get a visit from my good friend Karma. Karma and I met a few years back at the National B*tch Convention, and have been good friends ever since.
My overall reactions to this state of the world as of early 2020 are mixed. Everything is currently terrible and has little chance of getting better. Though this may be the case, I honestly feel fine. Things will sort themselves out over time. I plan on using this time to my advantage. The world is in crisis, but I will not be joining it this time. I am content with myself at the moment and will use this as an opportunity to evolve as a person and become a better version of myself as the world does the same.
