Recently, a friend and I got into a conversation about the concept of love. We were talking about high schoolers saying “I love you” or “We’re in love”. She was saying that you can’t be in love with someone after only a month or two of dating, and is often frustrated with couples breaking up and saying “I never loved her/him” afterward. Teenagers don’t have the ability to distinguish the difference between infatuation and actual love. Chances are, they do not truly know each other well enough to say “I love you”.
On one hand, I agree. I think there is a lot involved with the concept of love that teenagers don’t understand. For instance, trust is a key part of love, and many teenagers are not mature enough to fully trust someone else, which can lead to going through the other person’s phone, creating rumors, getting jealous, etc. I mean, how can you possibly know if you “love” someone after only knowing and dating them for a month or two? Teenagers can be involved and still have meaningful relationships with each other, but chances are that this “love” is simply infatuation or adoration.
On the other hand, I also think that the concept and true definition of love is always changing, depending on one’s growth, experience, and mindset. When a teenager says “I love you” there is a chance they genuinely mean it; there and then, in that moment, they are truly in love with their significant other and who that person is. As kids grow into teens, and teens grow into adults, their perception of what love is changes. A teenager’s definition of love is going to be different than an adult’s more “mature” version of love. Actually, I read a study somewhere (I would link it, but I don’t remember where I saw it) that said couples that stayed faithfully married to each other defined love as a choice and commitment, instead of a feeling. The article said that love isn’t just a feeling (like lust, adoration, or infatuation); it's a conscious choice that couples make every day.
Of course, the entire topic of love is very controversial. All I have mentioned so far is strictly about romantic love. There are several different types of love, including platonic or familial love. The Greeks had seven different words for all the different types of love. I say “I love you” to my friends all the time, but this does not mean I would want to date them or spend the entirety of my life with them. I use this phrase to show I care about them and that I want them to be happy. I use it to convey my feelings of appreciation, intimateness, and affection, because that is what “love” means to me (at least in a platonic way). I find these different versions and opinions on love both fascinating and interesting to talk about.
I like that definition of love as "a choice and commitment, instead of a feeling." You're right that it's a very *adult* perspective on it, but in my experience I think they're onto something...
ReplyDeleteI kind of agree with you. I also think that it's hard for something to be called 'love' if there is no trust, but at the same time I think you can love someone just because you love them. I think that trust is necessary in long-term relationships, and I agree that many high schoolers (even the ones in long-term relationships) don't usually have the ability to trust.
ReplyDeleteWow, this is a great observation to voice, I actually completely agree that most high schoolers are confused on what love means to them. My friends will "fall in love" so quickly but then immediately fall out of love the next week. To fully love someone you must like them as a person, not just love them. Great point!
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you Kad. Love is something that many young people don't fully understand, mainly the romantic side. I believe that due to our age we are not experienced enough with life to be able to know what a true love connect is. One has to learn their own definition of love, in both the platonic and romantic way, by gaining life experience. True, this life experience will include small failed relationships where "I love you's" were uttered, but it is all to help create our own understanding of the word love.
ReplyDeleteI think that the definition of love changes as you grow. You cant look at a teenager and say "you don't know what it means to love someone" just because they've only been alive for 15-16 years. Yeah, it might mean something different when were 20 or 30 years old, but I do believe that people fall in love in high school. I don't think people are in love after a week, and then they break up and fall out of love. That isn't love. But some of the people I know are truly in love, and you cant discredit that feeling just becuase of their age.
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